ON MY MIND

There’s been a bunch of stuff on my mind lately.

I can’t wait until I go back to work, which (hopefully) is soon. Unemployed life is boring and it sucks to be broke. I need to save my money up… for a lot of practical and impractical things. I need to get a steady income rolling.

I feel like shit because I haven’t been to the gym in like… six months. I hate being lazy, for the most part. I love to work out, I just hate being surrounded by disgusting jocks in the weight room at school. I keep telling myself I’m going to get back into the habit; my gut has become slightly larger since the holidays and I can’t stand it. Definitely need to start eating healthy again and get back into old work out habits & commitment.

School is pretty breezy nowadays. I love AP Lit. I love having only 3 classes again. Unscheduled 4th period is a God-send. I even managed to swing a 4.33 GPA. I haven’t done that since freshman year. High school is almost over, I can’t believe it.

I got accepted into SFSU, woot woot-! My mom still wants me to go to community college for two years to get my general studies out of the way. It makes sense, but goddamn. I want to get out of this town. Well, I do and I don’t. I just really need a good dose of adventure & new things. I love meeting new people, and I’m very greatful to have had the opportunity to meet a handful of new people this past couple months. I need more of that. More adventures & more new people.

My writing has been slowly progressing, and that’s better than nothing in my book. I’m making an honest attempt to resurrect The Hot Dog/Cab Incident short story, but I really don’t know where to go from where I left off. I figure once I do something good with that story, then I can advance to Cheese, Chocolate & Grapes.

I’ve been feeling more disconnected from church lately. There really isn’t anything I can do about it. I don’t like the priests, I don’t pay attention during the readings- let alone the sermons, and I still don’t like the music. There isn’t much point in talking to my mom about it, because she’s really stubborn on the subject. I wish there was something I could to to renew my faith in my religion, but I’ve been drawing up blanks when it comes to that.

I’ve been feeling really restless due to lack of a driver’s license. I think if I had my license, I wouldn’t be so damn lazy all the time, and I hate wasting days away doing nothing but nap in bed. I plan on taking my permit test again sometime soon (for the 3rd time). I know. I suck. I’m a horrible test taker, I’m not even kidding. I absolutely HATE taking tests, no matter what. I get nervous, no matter what. It’s ridiculous. I need to get my license soon. I’m most likely going to be stuck driving the ugly janky Mexican van until I get a real car. My brother-in-law says I can have his old Nissan. The only problem is that it’s a stick shift, and I have never even touched a stick shift car. If I go up to San Francisco to visit my sister and stuff during spring break, I plan on driving the car back home with me. Summer is going to be here before I know it and I can’t not be without a car.

My love life… hah. Well, it doesn’t exist. The existance of my non-existant love life is pretty much the story of my life… that makes sense, right? It sucks, as always. I guess it’s better to be in no relationship rather than an unsteady one, right? I could ramble on and on about this, but I shouldn’t. And I won’t. It looks like a friendship got ruined because of a so-called “relationship,” and you have no idea how much that has really bummed me out. It would be pointless for me to ramble on and on about that as well, because no one reads this blog anyways, and… rambling wouldn’t change anything. As much as I wish it would.

MOOD: FABULOUS

Today was slightly more eventful than yesterday, hence the blog I’m beginning to write…
I got to 1st period a few seconds late, like always. The Jurassic Park substitute was there, and we just watched Super Size Me all period long. Is it bad that no matter how many times I’ve seen that documentary, there is initially never any circumstance in which I’m ever seriously disgusted by McDonald’s food? If anything, watching that documentary almost always makes me hungry… especially since it was the morning, and I didn’t eat breakfast.

In AP Lit, Mrs. Steinberg surprised me by reading my essay aloud to the class… I got a 40/40 (that’s a 7 on the rubric sheet)… I actually got an A. I got an A on an essay that took me 3 hours to write the day before it was due. Such procrastination hasn’t paid off in so long, and that made me feel really happy & confident about my writing. The thesaurus is a God-send, I’m telling you! I could have sworn she was going to use mine as a poor example of what we were NOT supposed to do or something… I wasn’t paying attention at all when she was discussing our grades… I was busy drawing an octopus in my notebook and adding to the list of things I consider to be “annoying as FCUK” (which I started writing in 1st period.) I really do love AP Lit, though. Mrs. Steinberg is hilarious! (Intentionally and unintentionally, mind you.) She says the best that’s what she said lines. Example: during a class discussion of The Stranger. LOL.

Yeah, I’ve been drawing a lot lately… mostly due to boredom in classes. The other day I was zoning out on a lecture about existentialism because I was (attempting) to draw Audrey Hepburn based on the small thumbnail picture reference I had of her on my cell phone. (Oh, and The Rocket Summer lyrics to All I Have was stuck in my head.) I like that I’m putting the boredom I feel in class to good use. I’ve also been writing a bit here and there. I miss that. I don’t know whether to pick up on The Hot Dog-Cab Incident story (I really need to think up a catchier name for that…) or my work-in-progress novel, Cheese Chocolate & Grapes. I owe Tumblr a lot of credit to all the inspiration I’ve had lately. My mind is reeling.

Oh yeah, something random and completely off topic: I’ve been wanting to watch Fight Club, Knocked Up, and Rushmore for the longest time. When I go back to work (hopefully sooner than later) I plan on buying all three of those movies at the same time… if I can find them all in one place… maybe on Amazon…

YOB HUNT [2]

Unemployment is ridiculously frustrating, especially around the holidays. I filled out two applications for two different Starbucks locations, as well as two different applications for AMC 24 (Palm Promenade), and AMC 14 (Plaza Bonita). Game Stop apparently does not want me, so I don’t know whether or not to give up hope on that. I still have the filled out applications to the Las Americas Game Stop, as well as the National City Game Stop. I’d still love to work at a Game Stop… just imagine the discount I’d get on video games… I haven’t really gotten the chance to build my video game collection since I got my Wii. I still ONLY have Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and Resident Evil 4.

All the really good places I want to work at hire at 18… and I’m only a month and a few days away from that. Borders is one of my new dream jobs. The Disney Store says they’ll take me back for the last month of the winter season -after I turn 18, but that’s not going to cut it for me in the next 8 months-or-so, until I go to college… wherever that may be. Sea World would be pretty cool to work at too… but my mom wants me to wait until I’m 18 if I want to work there, so I can trolley it back and forth… getting a car would be wonderful, but wishful thinking at that. (Speaking of, I should actually try studying for my permit test so I can get my damn license. Driving illegally for 2+ years is getting lame.) If I could get a legit job at Sea World with good hours and pay, then I’d definitely take that up. Alas, the waiting period to turn legal.

QUARANTINE, PLP & CARAMEL APPLES

Friday, October 10– “Date night” with Victoria! My mom didn’t believe me when I said I saw someone giving away a free big screen TV, hah! Walked around in hopes of picking up job applications for decent stores… all we got was Claire’s and Pac Sun. FAIL. I still really want to work at Game Stop… NO MATTER WHAT! Robby & Blake decided to join us to watch Quarantine, which totally scared the shit out of me. I’ve never jumped or screamed so much at the movies (that I can remember). I really liked it and I can’t wait until it’s playing at the Navy Base for free, hahah. Those new bastard kitten heels left my feet screaming by the end of the night, so I had no choice but to walk around Plaza Bonita mall barefoot. YUCK.

Saturday, October 11– Spent most of the day doing nothing. I got ready for The Parking Lot Proposal’s show and realized that I was practically starving, so I called Victoria up to see if she wanted to walk to Taco Bell and get some food before we left. YEARS LATER we met up at the intersection and walked down Coronado together… less than 5 minutes later we realized that it was pretty chilly and we were both idiots who forgot our cardigans at home. I got my “usual” at Taco Bell (two cheesy double beef burritos and a Sierra Mist… the raspberry iced tea tasted disgusting). We wasted so much time there while we waited for Josalle to pick us up. I wasted a good $3 (possibly more) on temporary tattoos. We kept going back and forth to the register asking for quarters in exchange for our dimes and nickels, like the losers we are. By the time we left, we were covered in bloody/gore tattoos, and other manly-type stuff. We got semi-lost on the way to Fashion Valley mall with Ruben, Jeffrey & Josalle, but we made it! PLP was amazing, like always, and I finally met their new singer, Jessika. Blake made me “anti-depressant” cookies, which is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in a long time :3

After the show, me, Ruben, Jeffrey, Josalle, and Victoria walked around Mission Valley mall, which was kind of lame, because I could have sworn that mall had two floors… but apparently the first level is just parking structure, haha. I wasted $8 at The Sweet Factory: a jawbreaker and a dozen (or so) of blue gummy sharks.

Sunday, October 12– Went to church, as usual. Kim got dropped off and we went to the Eastlake mall with my mom, because she wanted to steal recipes from some cook books for work. We spent a couple hours in the kid’s section of Barnes and Noble, having crazy throwbacks to elementary school with all the book browsing. I wish books weren’t so damn expensive :C

We walked around the rest of the mall, LOL @ a bunch of baby teens asking us if there was an Abercrombie store. HAH. FUNNY. We attempted to take pictures in the Apple store, but had no idea how to work a Mac, so we stepped inside that one Rocky Mountain chocolate shop, or whatever it’s called, and feasted our eyes on mouth-watering, delicious caramel apples… we gave in and decided to split one. It was HEAVEN. After, we looked around in Anthropologies, this cute boutique with over-priced deliciously scented candles, clothing & miscellaneous home furnishings.

YOB HUNT

I don’t know why, but I woke up around 5AM and could not go back to sleep. I went back and forth between lying in bed listening to music, to Myspace in the computer room. Had 3 hour-ish phone talk, the longest it’s been in a while, which made me happy, even though most of the conversation was spent talking about Mobsters, lol. & I can’t believe… more or less 5 months.

After phone talk I busted out the white pages in hopes of finding some local places that would hire poor little unemployed, under-aged me. Most of the places I tried were either not hiring, or only hired at age 18 and up. I applied online for Game Crazy in Chula Vista, and when I drove my mom to Mervyn’s I applied on one of the computers at customer services. I didn’t even know they opened a new Game Stop on Saturn, but there it was… calling out to me. I was really psyched too, since the Game Stop on Palm had said they already finished hiring for the holidays. I walked in and talked with one of the employees… her name was Joelyn or something like that. She complimented my Gwen Stefani purse as soon as I walked up to her, lol; then she complimented my earrings, and then my sunglasses. We had small talk about how I got laid off at the Disney Store and stuff, and she gave me an application. She said that I shouldn’t keep my hopes too high or rely on just that store, since they already had a butt-load of applications, but I’m really hoping I get the job. I’d love working in a video game store… it’s hella nerdy, but come on, LOOK AT ME.

I was also thinking about applying at Starbucks, just not the one on Palm, because I’d hate to serve the little pukes I go to school with. AMC is also on my list of places I’d like to attempt applying at. As a last resort, I’ll apply at Levi or Nike, but for now I want to milk out all of my other options, because I want to work somewhere I love.

When I got home, I walked to Luzita’s and bought a California burrito ($4.09) and got an Arizona from Northgate, which was only $0.85(?!?!!!) Awesome. James Franco was there, but I didn’t go to his line since it was way too busy anyways. I weakly dragged myself home in the damn heat, and watched Maury… then I knocked out for 4 hours… a lovely, food coma/sleep deprivation induced nap. It was nice.

(By the way, I can’t get over how good I smell right now… thanks to Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship raspberry shampoo and that new orchid body spray from Bath & Body Works.)

WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

I’ve always said that I don’t want people to take me for granted, simply because it’s a horrible, painful feeling. Think about it: who wants to feel like they are being treated less than they’re really worth? And here’s another thought: who the hell has the right to let someone even think for even a split second feel that they’d mean anything less than they actually do to a person? (I have a tendency of compiling wordy sentences, I hope that made sense and I apologize for any confusion that may follow… or any that has already begun.)

I was just thinking about that; being taken for granted, I mean. I realized that I shouldn’t get so defensive because I may possibly be guilty of doing the same. Obviously I don’t mean to do such things intentionally, I’m not evil. I know things just happen, and it’s understandable for people to feel badly about it. I grew up being taught with the moral of being considerate to other people, no matter what. That may slip every now and then, but I’m usually pretty good about keeping up with it, whether it may be taking the time to do a favor for someone, working around your own schedule to benefit other peoples’, or to recognize that someone might be too busy to focus on you and allow them to continue with what they were doing, whether you like it or not.

I want to start being more vocal when it comes to letting people know that they are important to me and how glad I am to have them be a part of my life. The way I see it, everyone you meet impacts your life one way or another, if it’s greatly or a little less than that: what matters is that they did in fact change your life in some way, whether you realize it right away or after some time.

I want to tell all the people I’ve only known a couple months or weeks that I’m glad to have met them; I want to tell all my closest friends that their friendship means the world to me; I want to be able to tell my parents that I’m very grateful for everything they’ve ever done for me, and that I respect their best intentions even when I don’t agree all the time; I want to tell my brother and sister that I really enjoy spending time with them, especially since distance makes that rare; I want to tell my boyfriend that I want more than anything for us to work through this distance because I know he’s worth it; I want to develop sincere friendships with people who are merely acquaintances; (even though I don’t have a job anymore) I want to tell my co-workers that I really appreciate all the help they give me, especially when I make little mistakes at work; I want to tell my teachers (the ones I actually respect and learn from) that I appreciate the effort they put into everyday at school and that they really have contributed something to my academic life, which will ultimately lead to my future.

There’s so much more that I have left to say… to so many people, and I’m going to start doing that more often. Taking others for granted is just as bad as taking life itself for granted, and no one wants to do that, right? In so many words, and without any shame or fear, I’d like to say thank you to anyone and everyone, and I promise I’ll do my best to not take people in my life for granted, and make sure they won’t feel anything less than what they really mean to me <3 I appreciate the people I am lucky enough to know and/or love, and I don’t want ‘em to forget that.

SNAKES ON A TERRACE!?

I don’t really remember yesterday morning all too well, other than the fact that it becan with a wake-up call, like usual, and that is always nice. I think I went back to sleep and woke up around noon, only to find that the house was mine because my parents went to the store.

Played video games until my parents got back, picked up my $50ish paycheck at work, then drove to Party City in hopes of getting a job application… they hire at 18, dammit. I’m borderline legal, c’mon now! I can totally handle the chaos of Halloween season at Party City. IF ONLY I WAS LEGAL. Hmm, maybe next year I’ll apply at Party City to get extra money around that time.

When I got home, I played video games until Josalle got to mi casa, with pizza! We watched Snakes on a Plane, LOLing at all the ridiculous acting and decision-making that went on in the movie. We still had a couple hours to kill before Lakeview Terrace started, so we brainstormed up a bunch of movies and actors to have for “successful black men movie nights.” You wouldn’t BELIEVE the long list we had, not to mention sub-lists of “successful Asian men movie nights” (Jackie Chan & Jet Li) and other miscellaneous actors, like John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, and John Cusack. We ALSO made up a list of music from “successful Latino men,” like Enrique Iglesias and Ricky Martin; and music from  “successful black men,” like R. Kelly and Will Smith.

We finally left around 7, because Josalle’s dad wanted to meet up by Bank Of America to give her a coupon to something. He left me in complete smiles after meeting him! “Don’t get played. There are bad guys at the movies.” LOL. We both freaked the hell out when we saw that Eagle Eye was playing at the drive-in, and we almost watched that… it was really almost too close to call, but we stuck with the original plan of seeing Lakeview Terrace. Just as it was about to start, Josalle realized that we were parked at the wrong screen when Bangkok Dangerous started playing. She busted a Fast and the Furious and got us parked at the right screen, with the popcorn knocking over on the way there, lol. We were perfectly situated where I could see Bangkok Dangerous perfectly from the sideview mirror, and Eagle Eye perfectly from my left eye periphs.

The movie started out kind of slow, but things really began to pick up after about 45 minutes in, and OMG, Samuel L. Jackson is teh shit! There was a really good twist at the end, which seriously had my heart racing, lol! Lakeview Terrace was most definitely a good way to pop my drive-in movie virginity. Next week we plan on seeing Eagle Eye, a way to end fall break ‘91 on a really good note