I REST MY CASE

Don’t you ever, ever dare fucking think that what I felt for you wasn’t real. I was in love with you, dammit. I loved you through everything – all the breakups, all the arguments, all the stupid mood swings you would have. I stuck it out and I kept my heart invested in you. I was nothing but real, honest, and sincere. You were my priority for a year and a half, whether you were just my friend or my boyfriend – and you treated me nothing more than an option. You’ve hurt me with the things you’ve said and done – you’ve offended me far more times than I ever did to you. I was always willing to hear you out whenever you would try to apologize to me, and now, you won’t even do me the decency of hearing me out.
What has really angered me the most, is the way you so carelessly treated my feelings when you knew just how upset I’ve been over my dad’s current health problems. You promised that you would always be there for me, no matter what – and you said that I could rely on you in times like these. But for you to not even waste a breath asking about him, or even checking up on me when you knew that he was going to be in a serious surgery… that’s what ticked me off. I know you “have a job and a life,” but excuse me for actually believing you when you said that you cared about me. You’ve been nothing more than self-involved and selfish. For you to get angry at me for MY mood swings during such a dark time in my life… fuck you. YOU SAID YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME, REGARDLESS OF HOW FAR AWAY YOU WERE. Where were you when I needed you the fucking most?
Ignore the voicemails and texts of me begging you to forgive me/take me back. We’re not even together, so like I’ve said before: it really shouldn’t matter to you. I was surprised when you made me believe it actually did. No, not anymore. If you’re done with me, then I’m done with you. Go ahead and waste all your “precious” time on Tumblr flirting with internet strangers and indulging in whatever popular meme there may be for the day. You don’t have to make promises you feel obligated to keep to me anymore. You don’t have to deal with that “constant knot in your gut” about me, wondering if you should or shouldn’t fall in love with me. For the record, in case I haven’t said it enough to you in the past: I love you and I never doubted that.
The only times I ever doubted myself was when you gave me reason to. A large part of why I’m so insecure about myself is because of you. You’ve managed to break me down and weaken my stride. A big part of the reason I don’t like myself is because you always gave me the insecurity of not being good enough for you to fall in love with me.
If you don’t love me, then just leave me alone. If you should ever have something to fucking say to me – try your luck and maybe I’ll listen. I know one thing for sure: I’ll hear you out – something you couldn’t even have the decency to do for me.
Grow the fuck up, James. You’re 21 fucking years old, and you should know by now how to treat a human being. The way you’ve treated me is NOT the way you treat someone you have or used to have feelings for. Hell, that’s no fucking way to even treat a friend. I don’t know what I’ll ever mean to you. Probably nothing, because that’s how you have made me feel.
What I want to know is how the hell you could go on and pull all the stunts with me the way you did when you told me earlier this year that I was one of the only things worth living for. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that.
It’s a shame we’ll never do any of the things together like we said we always would.